Sports Strategy Guru Gifts

How to handle spin

'Don't you see, Rick - your slump is just a success neurosis. You found your .394 batting average dangerous, and feared it would bring about resentment.'

'I can't find anything against it in the rule book!'

The MBA Draft

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

Alternative fielding positions

"To be clear, I said I want your 'A' game, not your 'Eh?' game."

"Ok, Ok! The ball wasn't out!"

Perils of the double play.

The Other Cooperstown

"Now, suppose some guy comes at you balanced between two blocks."

'You should have taken up the game earlier.'

'Unbelievable, these guys brought a ringer.'

'I'd better make a note of your blood group...'

"I love fast break business success."

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

"This guy's a terrific defensive lineman. I once saw him chase down a quakerback for nearly 40 yards before sacking him. It was in a shopping mall, but still..."

"My computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick-boxing!"

"Fellas, I invited Max here to give us a fresh, millennial take on how to get out of the inning."

"If you think it's tough at this level, kid, wait until you get into calculus."

'You are dreaming the impossible team.'

"When you put on the uniform, you surrender a part of yourself."

"They play union in heaven... where do they play football?"

"The good news is I used AI to fill in my March tournament bracket and I won the whole thing. The bad news is AI has become self aware and wants the prize money."

'Every team needs a role player. And your role on this team, Bill, is to sit at that desk and crunch numbers.'

'Blimey, boss - that's a bit revolutionary, isn't it?'

Baseball Clubhouse Pranks

'..The wolves have got the sheep pinned against their own 1-yard line again!'

"Marketing hired a golf pro as our spokesperson. Finally, we've got someone on the ball around here."

'Here's a play my backup QB designed. Everyone goes long and I throw to our opponent.'

"Baseball is way too boring - so, we're doing one inning, winner takes all, everybody go home early and live their lives."

'Are you blind ref?'

Rugby - Interesting line-out tactics.

'I hate PowerPoint.'