Soccer Guru Pillows

Football prayers.

'What makes you think we want to sell you son.'

No-Work Orange

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'I do a lot of icing. It's part of my mellowness.'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

'Best save I've ever seen.'

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

"Now, why didn't I think of that?"

'I love doing things with you, Dad but couldn't you just coach my soccer team?'

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

'Not much gets past our new goalie!'

'I've never seen so many strikers in one team before.'

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

The Goalkeeper

It can be taken up at any age....

Golf lessons

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

Men playing water football in barrels on a lake

'I don't care if you do need practice hitting out of the sand. The cat needs her litter box!'

And if the ball is completely unplayable...

"Look, I know the other team is taller than we are...but I'm pretty sure this isn't allowed."

"Okay...let's concentrate on discussing strategy during halftime."

'I didn't have a glass ceiling I had to break through... I had a golf course I had to conquer.'

'The water hazard holds little fear for Jesus.'

'It looks to me like they come in peace.'

"I didn't mean your day wasn't hard, too."

"Okay, you got this! Who introduced the theory of punctuated equilibrium?"

'This is not what I meant by a free kick.'