Soaps Gifts

"I'm not so ready for interactive television."

"That's odd. I visited an antibacterial soap website, and my computer got a virus."

"Shootout at the Soapy Canal"

"I'd like you to be the co-star in the melodrama that is life."

'Time for my favorite soap opera, Nine Lives to Live.'

She kept Dracula at bay with an episode of the Archers.

'On the contrary, soap operas are a great time-saver -- you don't have to get married and have your OWN problems.'

'And who told you to give the Holy Shroud a good wash?'

Soap Opera

"Tia Carmen's Bucket List: pulling a 7-day telenovela bender."

"It's very important to wash your hooves!"

Woman and cats watching Nine Lives to Live.

'Silly Billy - who told you that you could eat a cake of soap?'

"What Color Is Your Soapbox?"

Grooming for beginners.

"Of course it is a nuisance with all this soap, but the important thing is that the germs think so too."

"All I said was, do we have to watch your telenovela tonight."

"We begin the day hammering. Then there's 'Regis and Kathie Lee.' Then we do some more hammering, followed by lunch and 'Days of Our Lives,' more hammering, 'Oprah,' and, finally, home."

'Surely you could have missed one episode of Eastenders !!'

'Blast it's raining!'

'Why do they call them 'soaps'? All they do is dig up dirt.'

Celebrity anagrams: Drab Ian's bar row (Answer: Barbara Windsor.)

'We've got too many sitcoms, Miss Dudley -- pull the laugh tracks on half of them and run them as soaps.'

'He didn't wash his hands.'

'Don't you see, Trudy? OUr life is like a soap opera!'

Practice Bug Control this Season.

"Do you want me to leave the water in?"

'Yes, I'm sure they'll let you watch your soap operas, grandma.'

'I thought I'd just crease a few book spines while I catch up on my soaps.'