Soapbox Speaker Gifts

Senator Richard Burr

"I hate it when Ed talks politics at parties."

"We ask for volunteers to pick up litter and chewing gum. We sell bombs to other countries. Who mops up the blood? Tell me that!"

They hated me.

"That's odd. I visited an antibacterial soap website, and my computer got a virus."

Man selling 'pearls of wisdom'.

Statue of Liberty and Hand Sanitizer

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

'And in conclusion.'

"This should be cozy. Just let me know if you need an extra sousaphone."

'You've probably heard of me. I'm an author, consultant and lecturer in the fields of authoring, consulting and lecturing.'

'And who told you to give the Holy Shroud a good wash?'

Man trapped in bubble from bubble bath.

"I'll pause for a moment so you can let this information sink in."

"In closing, let me tell you that never in the universe have I spoken before such an attentive audience."

"My lecture is about our short attention spans and what a lovely day it is I should be walking but tomorrow maybe I’ll cut the grass..."

So I used body soap to wash my face. Why is that so bad? Details matter. Pay attention to your surroundings. Face soap isn't body soap. Conditioner isn't shampoo. Moisturizer isn't hand lotion. If we're ever going to move in together and have a future you've got to pay attention to me and the nuances about my life. Conditioner isn't shampoo? I'm livid and you have stinky hair!

"It's very important to wash your hooves!"

"Today we're going to talk about brainless reality TV."

'I wonder if TED ever listens.'

Geography is still fascinating, thought Bob.

Boxing with your harp

"What Color Is Your Soapbox?"

'That's Cat from Eastenders.'

Eastenders: This Programme Contains Bad Acting And One-Dimensional Characterisation

"Of course it is a nuisance with all this soap, but the important thing is that the germs think so too."

'Mr. Speaker! Mr. Speaker! Mr. Speaker. . . He didn't show up for work today.'

Woman standing behind boss with sign saying 'Applause'.

'When pastors take sports analogies too far...'

"There he goes, filling their heads with ludicrous conspiracy theories about microchip implants and mass sterilisation programmes…"

'...and so I say without fear of contradiction...'

'He didn't wash his hands.'

I speak for all MPs, Mr Speaker, when I say 'swift recovery from your laryngitis'.

"Sweetie, words have the power to hurt. I'll teach you some of the most effective ones."

'And I don't want you hanging around with that scum from the bathtub!'