Soapbox Commentator Gifts

"Today we're going to talk about brainless reality TV."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

'Cartoonist thinking'

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

"But the good news is Trump has broken off diplomatic relations with them only on Twitter..."

Sports Radio in Crisis

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

Freedom of Speech

Sir Patrick Moore.

Tree of Public Opinion.

Carl Shurz's attacks on President Grant are 'Played Out'

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

"Good evening. In today's top story, my book has jumped to Number Three on the best-seller list."

And now, for a rebuttal.

Pundits

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

Defunding the police vs defunding education

"As you can see here - slow the tape, guys - these sparks are coming awfully close to the truck's gas tank, an explosive situation indeed..." Every high speed chase needs a color man.

"Actually, we will replace you."

Chess on TV

The United States of Amazement

'That damn racial scandal.'

"This is gonna be great!"

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

Sportscasters on the Savannah

'Say what you like about the All Black scrum, but it's clearly the most fragrant and well groomed in the modern game.'

Americans have been in denial about the cause of mass shootings for a while but it's time to get serious about door control.