Snob Observer Gifts

"To me, the Hudson is much more than a river - it's a moat."

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"Everybody comfortable? Got what they want? Know their place?"

The simultaneous development of dining and pomposity.

'I may not know much about art. But, I don't know what I like either.'

'He's a very superior dog. Even his fleas have pedigrees!'

"I believe this is one of Rembrandt's earliest selfies."

"Another helping of pretentiousness, anyone?"

"Hints of migrant workers on the nose."

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

'New money or old money?'

'I wouldn't worry about going before your time. You're too old to die young.'

"Herbert, don't! This is a gourmet coffee shop! You order instant de-caf and there's going to be trouble!"

"C'mon dude, these are not your people."

"Don't touch that Jake! It's bad for you!"

'Listen my man, I am not being condescending, I am just trying to use words I think you may be able to understand. . .'

'The review said drinking this wine is like drinking a Rembrandt. All I taste is the frame.'

"Since Rover became a therapy dog, he's gotten uppity."

"I'm enrolled in a total immersion wine class."

"With all due respect, I prefer the term 'con artisan'."

David Cameron Parenting Classes: 'After registering them for Eton the next most important thing is selecting the right nanny!'

'He's a mixed breed.'

"We spent the summer on the Côte de Jersey."

Ned Thompson, unpretentious wine taster.

'Ok...I was wrong. Things can get worse.'

" ..graduated with honours, great job, beautiful wife, great kids.. Sure we've all got a sad story to tell."

'I hope it's a quick knockout, I'm double parked.'

"It's a couch, not a settee, you posh git!"

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"He drinks from the cup of a different brewer."

"Nature has a twisted sense of humor."

"I've taken a vow of chastity with guys living in poverty."

"Regift the bicycle, Charles, but put this in my Panama pile."