Sneaker Skeptic Gifts

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

Support Group for high heels abandoned during the pandemic

"It's a self-driving skateboard."

"I know it's tough to get motivated on Mondays, but..."

'This associate has a first rate mind...and a third rate suit.'

You shouldn't sell any chemical lawn products, dad! I only carry a few for the bottom line. You peddle poison for profits? The new sneakers you want aren't cheap, kiddo. Then I won't get the shoes. Ok, ok. I'll consider getting rid of the chemicals. Who knew reducing my carbon footprint meant going without shoes.

"Someone's been sending me J. Crew catalogues."

"They're the closest I've come to owning a car!"

'At least we don't have to worry about getting those as gifts.'

"Today no one, and I mean no one, could get the sneakers out of my mouth..."

Man says his pockets aren't big enough to fit a lady's tennis shoes.

Ballet shoes balancing on a telephone wire

'Trainers for actually playing sport in.'

"I decided to go on land after I got the sneaker deal."

"Of course, ladies and gentlemen, the optimum endorsement would be from the Crips and the Bloods."

I add 1,000 steps every day just going back to my car to get the mask I was supposed to put on."

'Millers said they travelled through Europe? Nonsense! All of their souvenirs have little tags reading 'Made in China'!'

'Shall I box up the shoes, or does your son want to fly them home?'

'No, it's not a spit polish. I just really hate your shoes.'

'You've been hanging out at the bowling alley again, haven't you?'

"She's not the perfect wife, but at least she's not always buying shoes."

'It must be love if your sneakers melted!'

"Psst. . . fancy shoe sales are down. Can you make Crocs instead?"

'Something comfortable and yet… unexpected. I like to run amok.'

'Would our taxes be any cheaper if we lived in a sketcher?'

"There are our running shoes and these are our running shoes for running."

"I want a pair which says 'fast' even if I'm goin' slow."

Snail Shoes

How to dress for forty below...if you're over forty, or under twenty.

I'm a 10.5. What, litres?

'It must be love if your sneakers melted!'

"Wise up. You and me do not make a ferret craze."

How bad can the economy be with this many styles of sneaker socks?

"I'm asking Papi for $30 to buy this science kit!"

'Yeah. A bit over-the-top for a guy who wouldn't run if he were being chased by a pack of wild dogs in a hailstrom, but very nice.'