Snarky Commenter Pillows

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

Expressions of mystery.

"I'm not worried about identity theft. Who'd want to be me?"

"Can you hear me now?"

'My dear boy its a wonderful display of post modern expressionism with overtones of Dada.'

Yeah, I'm standing here alone yelling a bunch of nonsense. If I had a cell phone, you wouldn't bother me!

'I like it.'

'A shocking report shows more marriages are ending in divorce than decapitation. Could this be the end of traditional marriage, as we know it? More on that. . .after the break!'

Art Gallery.

"You're not supposed to answer her when she talks to us."

"Any family history of stroke? Diabetes? Bankruptcy?"

'This is what we call a 'patient'...you MAY find some reference to one of them on page 435 of your manual.'

"No, the guy who had this job before me didn't retire - he escaped."

'That concludes my prepared remarks. I'll take questions that fit my prepared answers.'

"I usually vote for whoever promises to cut the most tax."

"Yes, your work does speak to me and it's telling me you can't paint."

'I always vote for the candidate I think will do the least damage.'

'You are accused of internet fraud. How do you wish to blog?'

Stopping Coronavirus

'No.32...congratulations: your pay is frozen. No.38...well done: you're on short term working. No.14...'

"We'll now start boarding Group 9... Please remember your inferiority as you walk past the other groups, you cheap, dirty, cretins."

"If the stock market fluctuates due to the emotions of mostly men, isn't there some kind of hormonal therapy available to level those out for them?"

"Every few years, Gordon and the TV get a couple of inches wider."

"Help!"

"The voice pattern is similar to Dad's."

'I know you want to draw attentin to your blog, but having a wardrobe malfunction won't help.'

'This is a ten year old whisky.' 'I suppose you were too stingey to buy a new one.'