Snarky Commentator Pillows

"Do you guys know how lucky you are to have a big house that's not too big?"

"No, the guy who had this job before me didn't retire - he escaped."

"I warned you, Silvia, all 8 foot lizard creatures are the same."

Art Gallery.

'Which one of your friends do you hate the most?'

"That outfit is a nasty mix of stripes and patterns."

Wifi in Hell

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

'I had to stamp down on staff using nicknames at work. They even had one for me!'

Expressions of mystery.

"Can you hear me now?"

That's nothing. You should see what he writes in the comments section.

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks

'Twigs... great, that'll be comfortable.'

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

"Let's demonstrate our corporate values of diversity and inclusion and listen to some of Brian's stupid ideas."

Yeah, I'm standing here alone yelling a bunch of nonsense. If I had a cell phone, you wouldn't bother me!

'I like it.'

'A shocking report shows more marriages are ending in divorce than decapitation. Could this be the end of traditional marriage, as we know it? More on that. . .after the break!'

Do you believe in money at first sight?

"... and God bless my mom and her courage to call this food."

The tree of liberty can survive only so much grafting.

In baseball we can't practice social distancing when everybody is told to stay at home.

"You're not supposed to answer her when she talks to us."

People want as much government as they deserve.

"Any family history of stroke? Diabetes? Bankruptcy?"

The Phenomenon of Absolute Power, Expressed as a Geometric Curve.

"Hey, if we're getting laid off, it's every man for himself!"

"You think you have the boss from hell?!"

"He's a good boy, but he sheds like crazy."

"Let's face it, Tom. A society that's paying its Frank Sinatras and Johnny Carsons more than its yous and mes is out of whack."

'This is what we call a 'patient'...you MAY find some reference to one of them on page 435 of your manual.'

'you should know my wife thinks I'm stupid.'