Wry Commentator Pillows

'Of course my income didn't really take off until I left tele-marketing and got into insurance fraud.'

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

Expressions of mystery.

"With great power comes great reward."

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

"Can you hear me now?"

Old Man Journal

'Twigs... great, that'll be comfortable.'

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

Suggestions Get Shredded.

Art Gallery.

Yeah, I'm standing here alone yelling a bunch of nonsense. If I had a cell phone, you wouldn't bother me!

Do you believe in money at first sight?

'I like it.'

The tree of liberty can survive only so much grafting.

'ANOTHER fatwah?! Who have you been sharing your thoughts with this time?'

"Today the House Intelligence committee began its investigation of the FBI's investigation of the House Intelligence Committees investigation of the FBI..."

'A shocking report shows more marriages are ending in divorce than decapitation. Could this be the end of traditional marriage, as we know it? More on that. . .after the break!'

"Listen, pal! I didn't spend seven million bucks to get here so I could yield the floor to you."

"You're not supposed to answer her when she talks to us."

People want as much government as they deserve.

"Any family history of stroke? Diabetes? Bankruptcy?"

"There's a customer-satisfaction questionnaire for you to fill out and for us to not look at and immediately throw away."

'Psst, Senator, not that one -- that's your HIDDEN agenda!'

'you should know my wife thinks I'm stupid.'

"Well, it's only one glass after dinner darling!"

"Let's face it, Tom. A society that's paying its Frank Sinatras and Johnny Carsons more than its yous and mes is out of whack."