Wry Commentator Pillows

'Of course my income didn't really take off until I left tele-marketing and got into insurance fraud.'

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

Wifi in Hell

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

"With great power comes great reward."

Expressions of mystery.

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

"Can you hear me now?"

Old Man Journal

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

'Twigs... great, that'll be comfortable.'

Suggestions Get Shredded.

'I like it.'

The tree of liberty can survive only so much grafting.

Do you believe in money at first sight?

Art Gallery.

I don't need to know any math --- I'm going to be a politician.

'ANOTHER fatwah?! Who have you been sharing your thoughts with this time?'

Yeah, I'm standing here alone yelling a bunch of nonsense. If I had a cell phone, you wouldn't bother me!

'A shocking report shows more marriages are ending in divorce than decapitation. Could this be the end of traditional marriage, as we know it? More on that. . .after the break!'

Black Friday

A Diverse Cabinet That Looks Like America

"Today the House Intelligence committee began its investigation of the FBI's investigation of the House Intelligence Committees investigation of the FBI..."

"Listen, pal! I didn't spend seven million bucks to get here so I could yield the floor to you."

"You're not supposed to answer her when she talks to us."

People want as much government as they deserve.

"Any family history of stroke? Diabetes? Bankruptcy?"

The Phenomenon of Absolute Power, Expressed as a Geometric Curve.

'Psst, Senator, not that one -- that's your HIDDEN agenda!'

"There's a customer-satisfaction questionnaire for you to fill out and for us to not look at and immediately throw away."

'This is what we call a 'patient'...you MAY find some reference to one of them on page 435 of your manual.'

"Let's face it, Tom. A society that's paying its Frank Sinatras and Johnny Carsons more than its yous and mes is out of whack."

China deploys troops to prepare for an American invasion of North Korea. Russia warns that if America attacks Syria again, Russia will respond with force. Y'know, last time we had a world war, we weren't the ones everyone was defending themselves against. Sometimes when you're playing tag, it's more fun to be "it." We should have out own political show.