Snark Enthusiasts Pillows

"At the tone, the time will be LATER THAN YOU THINK."

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Hollywood Sign Developers

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

Support the Ex-Troops

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

Torturing the English Language

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

Pretty Flowers

Life is for the birds.

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

The height of fashion in 1796

"If we only used bigger clubs we would defeat our enemies every time, and we would dominate them forever!"

reincarnated worm...

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

"I don't like the looks of that!"

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"We're suing you under equal opportunities legislation for failure to represent our rights"

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

Cord cutter