Snark Collector Pillows

S**t Threw a Goose

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

A Q&A with President Obama over jobs

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

The Rooster Comedian.

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

'Bert's dog training.'

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

The Snarky District

A 'Falling Rock' and a 'Deer Crossing' zone.

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

Useless add-ons.

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

Cake Free Zone

Suffering from Cooties?

"Eat me"

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

Irritable trowel syndrome.

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."