Smoking Paradox Ponderer Gifts

'Let me guess - your cigarette went wet again?'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

The Artist

"I'm sorry, but we're looking for someone who's more likely to be followed than following."

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

Optimist

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

WANTED Dead or Alive - Schrodinger's Cat.

"I have good news and bad news about your cat, Dr Schrodinger..."

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

'Screen saver. . . or did his computer freeze again?'

Schrödinger and his cat

"What's important is that we learn from what we must never admit happened."

Another Time Travel Pair o' Ducks.

Sharing the Bed with Zeno

"Oh my God, help! Is there a logician on board?!"

"Most people forget they've had amnesia."

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

Professional woman in pub

'My thesis was entitled 'Tears of a Clown: Irony or Paradox?''

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

Desert island dweller sinks in sand.

Two guns are pointing at each other in a peace sign.

Inventing Time Travel

Energy Conservation Be Damned. Fred constantly prepared for Global Warming and Nuclear Winter to happen at the same time.

"Experimental 'no government' zone next 200 miles—by order of Trump!"

"I'm a huge fan of your work."

"What the?! Have you read about the Schrodinger's cat paradox? That's really twisted dude!"

Schrodinger's Cat Litter Box

Shrodinger's cat: I may or many not be missing.

Schrodinger's kittens

A psychic mows the lawn.

"Dig deep! C'mon! You got this!"

"If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid."