Smoking Paradox Ponderer Pillows

'Let me guess - your cigarette went wet again?'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

The Artist

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

Optimist

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

WANTED Dead or Alive - Schrodinger's Cat.

'Screen saver. . . or did his computer freeze again?'

Schrödinger and his cat

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

"I have good news and bad news about your cat, Dr Schrodinger..."

"What's important is that we learn from what we must never admit happened."

Another Time Travel Pair o' Ducks.

Sharing the Bed with Zeno

"Oh my God, help! Is there a logician on board?!"

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

"Most people forget they've had amnesia."

Professional woman in pub

'My thesis was entitled 'Tears of a Clown: Irony or Paradox?''

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

Two guns are pointing at each other in a peace sign.

Inventing Time Travel

Energy Conservation Be Damned. Fred constantly prepared for Global Warming and Nuclear Winter to happen at the same time.

Schrodinger's Cat Litter Box

Schrodinger's kittens

"Experimental 'no government' zone next 200 miles—by order of Trump!"

A psychic mows the lawn.

"If someone tells you they lied, they are probably telling the truth."

"What the?! Have you read about the Schrodinger's cat paradox? That's really twisted dude!"

307 days without an accident.

"Dig deep! C'mon! You got this!"

"If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid."