Slow News Critic Gifts

"For goodness sake, aren't there more important things in the world? I'm late crowing one day and it makes front page!"

Trump Poutine

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

'Wow, these lights stay on the red cycle for a very long time.'

"The news is so fake, the ads are beginning to look honest."

Rumors, lies and innuendo.

'If I've learned anything, it's believe half of what's in the newspapers, and even less of what's in your e-mail.'

"He really hates all the fake news!!"

"Our intelligencia said we will be outnumbered 100 to one, but that we can hope it's only fake news."

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

"What kind of politician would I be if I didn't politicize this crisis?"

"If the headline screams catastrophe, but nobody cares to read it, does it still make a sound?"

'The Rush Orders department is a shambles, Briggs, and I think you're just the man to turn it around,'

"Political cartoons that make people think? Are you crazy? We don't want to distract our readers from the weather forecast, the horoscope and the advertisements!"

"As you can see here - slow the tape, guys - these sparks are coming awfully close to the truck's gas tank, an explosive situation indeed..." Every high speed chase needs a color man.

The No-Spin Zone: Fox news( hurricane ).

"Sorry, but your life moves so slowly that the ball keeps timing out."

"Tell me again. Is this guy the newsman or the newsmaker?"

"After so much fake news, how can I believe you actually threw it this time?"

"Three years running 'fake news' websites? You're just what we're looking for!"

Victims of War

'If they're so darn 'fair and balance,' why are all the reporters people?'

'Transistional Pope. Is that nice way of saying they hope he doesn't live too long?'

Fake News, 50 cents.

Russian war crimes

LEV Trump

Lose the Iraq War.

Dear Sadie, How come there never seems to be any penality for pundits who turn out to be wrong all the time?

Celebrity 10 o'clock news...

"Let him who is without 'spin' cast the first stone."

You know what I like best about fake news, Randy? It can be crazy and have shady sources and be obviously nothing but nonsense, and it'll still be believed. Like that fake story about Saddam Hussein and those weapons of mass destruction and stuff. Fake news is only "fake news" if it's not from people who say they're real news. You can't tell me Wolf Blitzer's beard is real.

Incredible

"Since I no longer trust the media. I get all my news from hysterical people on the street."

'It says here that most people believe what they read in the papers.'

"We know nothing. We'll be back in five minutes with nothing more."