News Skeptic Gifts

"Since I no longer trust the media. I get all my news from hysterical people on the street."

'It says here that most people believe what they read in the papers.'

"I'm going back to my room, where the media is a little less mainstream."

School of fake news.

"Meaningless statistics were up one-point-five per cent this month over last month."

'To balance our commentary, we now present the view of an 'uninformed source''

"I had to stop watching the news - it was making my own problems seem insignificant."

"Elvis battles Alien, Britney weds Satan. Man, who reads this garbage?"

"I've been expecting this...FAKE WEATHER!"

"No, it's not fake news from an alt-nursery rhyme. May I continue?"

Department of Fake News

"I don't know what the big deal is about fake news. It's not like anyone reads."

"I'm actually looking forward to age-related hearing loss."

Ostrich reacts to looking at animal videos, reading the news and watching Fox news.

"Had to be fake news, bro, surely EVERYBODY couldn't have been kung fu fighting!"

Insensitive reporters in Haiti.

"Stop reading this stupid paper."

'If I've learned anything, it's believe half of what's in the newspapers, and even less of what's in your e-mail.'

Hacked Off

A Breakdown in Process

Rudy, be reasonable. We can't have a functioning media if everyone starts putting up their own stories on the web. We need professional ethics. We need editing. We need fact-checking. We need

What Passes For News: 'Could you get me the fly swatter please...?'

"Man at press complaints commission - 'This paper makes me sick!'"

Uncle Sam inside a Ukrainian brain.

Turn on the news. I will not comply. My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story. There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on Rocky Road ice cream and then stay up all night googling elliptical machines and diet pills. Who told you this? Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy.

We interrupt this breaking news to bring you breaking news! About half an hour ago, we interrupted "The Price Is Right" to bring you breaking news. An elderly "Price Is Right" fan emerged out of nowhere and began pummeling our news van with rotten eggs. Our newscopter is bringing us video of the lady chasing our van. What is that she's driving, Chuck? I believe that's a Rascal Scooter, Ted.

"Which do you want, bad news, fake news or the disaster channel?"

"I could follow the big news stories, but I'd rather wait for the movie version."

From the Same People Who Brought You WMDs

Incredible

"Listen to this Mr Doom 'n' gloom! The recession's over!"

"We have met the enemy and he is the media."

Nuzak

CNN LIVE

"I like to keep up with all the latest things I don't care about."