Sloth Embracers Pillows

"Are you tempting fate with poor diet and little exercise?" "Tempting it"? I'm surprised we haven't been charged with entrapment.

'Don't look at me. I'm not the one who puts the measuring cups where I can't reach them.'

'I blame global warming!'

Tired Barbie

Ultra-lazy sloth

After many years of wavering Dennis finally makes the decision to step out of his comfort zone.

"I live for the moment. That moment just happens to be in the indefinite future."

Some of us are calm on the surface but paddling like crazy underneath, and some of us are just the opposite.

Jackson Pollock makes a mistake: 'Guess I'll have to start over.'

"But Herman, we can't just throw in the towel like that."

Anxiety of Change

'He's doing it again.'

'I have way too much respect and dignity to dye the grey out of my hair... so instead could you all just put on these brown-tinted glasses.'

Fortune teller predicts a bigger family for worried parents.

'Of course things change: our fathers were replaced by machines - we'll be replaced with new software.'

Man rummaging through a TV set throwing out bits of paper

"Teacher believes in performance-enhancing hugs."

"Over here, Phyllis. I've moved to the center."

"That explains why Larry is the most confident employee in our company!"

Salman Rushdie

'They sometimes mistake him for a statue.'

'Hurray! I'm a baby!'

'Congratulations, your days of avoiding the real world are finally over.'

'I don't have a problem with you spending $1,500 on golf clubs, so you shouldn't complain about my spending $100,000 on a sports car.'

"You're over reacting. Everyone gets a gray hair."

'I'm putting you on a forced exercise program of walking. Hand over your driver's license!'

'Peace'

"You look amazing for someone who's just woken up!"

Organised Crime / Disorganised Crime

Are you ever worried people will see all the stuff you put online? Not at all … because I don't put anything online. I'm not on Facebook, I'm not on Twitter, and I conduct all my business in person so they can be charmed by the twinkle in my mustache. You are looking at a man who's totally off the grid, little buddy. It's like talking to a Neanderthal. I also shave with a razor-sharp sliver of granite my grandfather bequeathed unto me.

"Make it sassy, Jim."

"Does my bump look big in this"

'I'll buy them if you let me carry them out in a size '5' box?'

Turning my life around.

'If I had to live my life over again...I'd make the same mistakes sooner.'