Heat Embracer Pillows

'I blame global warming!'

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

'Don't look at me. I'm not the one who puts the measuring cups where I can't reach them.'

The most fabulous Gran in the world.

Ultra-lazy sloth

After many years of wavering Dennis finally makes the decision to step out of his comfort zone.

Some of us are calm on the surface but paddling like crazy underneath, and some of us are just the opposite.

Anxiety of Change

"But Herman, we can't just throw in the towel like that."

"My new year resolutions were to continue eating, drinking, smoking and gambling...and I've stuck to all of them!"

'I have way too much respect and dignity to dye the grey out of my hair... so instead could you all just put on these brown-tinted glasses.'

'He's doing it again.'

Fortune teller predicts a bigger family for worried parents.

Grandpa cheats death, puts in a pool.

'Of course things change: our fathers were replaced by machines - we'll be replaced with new software.'

Man rummaging through a TV set throwing out bits of paper

"Sure, I could hold your hand during down markets...but it wouldn't help you learn how to embrace failure."

"Teacher believes in performance-enhancing hugs."

"Are you tempting fate with poor diet and little exercise?" "Tempting it"? I'm surprised we haven't been charged with entrapment.

Indoor sauna.

"Over here, Phyllis. I've moved to the center."

Salman Rushdie

'Hurray! I'm a baby!'

"Aging disgracefully is much more fun."

'Congratulations, your days of avoiding the real world are finally over.'

"She's been seeing a very good grief counselor."

'The gardener in him sold out to the nature-conservationist.'

"You're over reacting. Everyone gets a gray hair."

'I'm putting you on a forced exercise program of walking. Hand over your driver's license!'

Welsh Dragon

Organised Crime / Disorganised Crime

Are you ever worried people will see all the stuff you put online? Not at all … because I don't put anything online. I'm not on Facebook, I'm not on Twitter, and I conduct all my business in person so they can be charmed by the twinkle in my mustache. You are looking at a man who's totally off the grid, little buddy. It's like talking to a Neanderthal. I also shave with a razor-sharp sliver of granite my grandfather bequeathed unto me.

A woman's pillow doesn't want to cuddle.

"Does my bump look big in this"

Turning my life around.