Bump Embracer Pillows

"Does my bump look big in this"

'Don't look at me. I'm not the one who puts the measuring cups where I can't reach them.'

Ultra-lazy sloth

After many years of wavering Dennis finally makes the decision to step out of his comfort zone.

Anxiety of Change

"But Herman, we can't just throw in the towel like that."

The shape of things to come

'He's doing it again.'

"We tried healthy birthday treats. That lasted about a week."

Fortune teller predicts a bigger family for worried parents.

'Of course things change: our fathers were replaced by machines - we'll be replaced with new software.'

Man rummaging through a TV set throwing out bits of paper

'And she's got the gall to call me chubby.' - Hubert's comment on a pregnancy.

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'OAP Licence'

"Teacher believes in performance-enhancing hugs."

"Sure, I could hold your hand during down markets...but it wouldn't help you learn how to embrace failure."

New Normal

"Over here, Phyllis. I've moved to the center."

Feel good loser. NON WINNER

Salman Rushdie

'Hurray! I'm a baby!'

'Congratulations, your days of avoiding the real world are finally over.'

'The gardener in him sold out to the nature-conservationist.'

'I'm putting you on a forced exercise program of walking. Hand over your driver's license!'

Organised Crime / Disorganised Crime

"You look amazing for someone who's just woken up!"

"Make it sassy, Jim."

'I'll buy them if you let me carry them out in a size '5' box?'

Turning my life around.

"Okay, you're right! It's impossible to repack sardines!"

"Last week I caught a glimpse of my nude self in a mirror. Is there a medication that can erase that image from my memory?"