Big Feet Embracer Pillows

'I'll buy them if you let me carry them out in a size '5' box?'

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

'Don't look at me. I'm not the one who puts the measuring cups where I can't reach them.'

"Tell me again, Grandpa, about how you let your freak flag fly."

The most fabulous Gran in the world.

Clown Skis.

"When Harold first said he identified as a balloon animal I thought it was just a phase, but here we are fifteen years later and it seems to be working."

Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

"I live for the moment. That moment just happens to be in the indefinite future."

Some of us are calm on the surface but paddling like crazy underneath, and some of us are just the opposite.

'He's doing it again.'

"You could be just the man we're looking for!"

Fortune teller predicts a bigger family for worried parents.

Driver test: Clown's big feet create challenge

"I hope I'm single for Valentine's because only I fully know my worth in chocolate."

Grandpa cheats death, puts in a pool.

Man rummaging through a TV set throwing out bits of paper

"Are you tempting fate with poor diet and little exercise?" "Tempting it"? I'm surprised we haven't been charged with entrapment.

"Teacher believes in performance-enhancing hugs."

Life is more than I can bear phobia.

New Normal

At least you didn't marry him.

'Hurray! I'm a baby!'

Salman Rushdie

'Congratulations, your days of avoiding the real world are finally over.'

"She's been seeing a very good grief counselor."

'Do you have a pair that's small on the outside and large on the inside?'

'They're not a swimming aid - they're my feet !'

'I don't have a problem with you spending $1,500 on golf clubs, so you shouldn't complain about my spending $100,000 on a sports car.'

'I'm putting you on a forced exercise program of walking. Hand over your driver's license!'

Organised Crime / Disorganised Crime

"You have my pet and I have my pet!"

"Does my bump look big in this"

"Okay, you're right! It's impossible to repack sardines!"

It gets easier.