Slop Stirrer Gifts

Good cop, bad slop, hard bop.

What the Doctor Ordered

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

'Congratulations on your 100% plant-based diet. I'm referring you to a botanist.'

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

"I make it myself!"

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

'There's something hauntingly familiar about the bouquet.'

'Cooking'

'I don't think you quite grasp our overall motif.'

A chef teaches a classroom of other chefs how to properly flip something using a spatula.

"Wait a minute, is that toad I taste? I told you I've gone vegan, Cynthia!"

"Getting drunk grilling lettuce just isn't the same."

Frank and Ernie's Diner. Today: Alphabet Soup. The little green pieces? --- That's Ernie's idea. It's Q-cumber.

Milton wonders if it would be possible to substitute scotch and sex for tea and sympathy.

...If sauce has not begun to thicken after 10 minutes, pour contents back into can and wait for your wife to get home.

'Who orderes the roasted chicken plate and who ordered the soup?'

Nouveau wine

'Why is the jacuzzi full of grapes?'

I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it? No. What if I drank scotch and smoked a cigar and listened to vinyl records and grew a big lumberjack beard? It's what all the hipsters are doing. You're not a hipster. I'm at least a kneester. At most you're a keister.

Soup Surprise

Ugggghhh....eye of newt's off!

Chick in noodle soup.

"Haven't you ever seen California wine being made before?"

"There's no secret formula. I basically just pour scotch over ice."

"No, it's a single ingredient - baby carrots."

A janitor stomps on, mops up and bottles some grapes to make "Truly Affordable Beaujolais".

"Is that your resting witch or resting bitch face. . .?"

"I was going to go to the other slop trough, but the music's always too loud."

"Something pickled this way comes!"

"Raw sewage is so much easier to source these days."

'Dang... so much ice around us, but not a lousy drop of Scotch!'

Chicken soup is in an intravenous drip.

'Alphabet soup. This isn't nutrition. It's education.'