Sleep Gifts

"Try thinking about something else."

"Well, the census results are out, but a footnote says that the sheep count is probably inaccurate as the auditors often found themselves getting drowsy..."

"I think I slept on it funny."

'According to my wife, I snore, and one of these nights I may stop breathing.'

Zoom Counting Sheep

Doctor with Teddy - "Take this. It will help you sleep."

'Coffee won't help. I'm just not a morning person.'

'You were talking in your sleep again.'

'Doctor, I'm tired all the time.'

"I don't know, Doc, a man can 'spring forward' and 'fall back' just so many times."

'Perhaps you'd like to try something a little firmer, madam?'

'Sounds like someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.' 'Ahhhhhh!'

Counting sleeping sheep.

'I've got a moral dilemma here -- Mr. Zimmerman really needs the sleep, but it's costing him $175.00 an hour.'

"It's been moved that we adjourn for an afternoon nap. Is there a second?"

'Hello, front desk? I'd like to leave a March wake-up call.'

'Maybe if you showed some sign of life once in a while this sort of thing wouldn't happen.'

To Do: Eat, Sleep, Totally freak out at midnight.

"An interesting selection, Dad, yet essentially a failure-as you can see, I'm still awake."

Monsters Under Bed: Then and Now

I had this wonderful dream that I slept... but then I woke up.

"This new adjustable mattress really does stop your snoring!"

"Alexa give me one reason to get out of bed today."

I can't sleep, tell me about your day.

"I didn't want anything. I just wanted to see how fast you could get here in case of an emergency!"

Women sleep less well than men.

Overworked doctors in need of sleep

'I'm having trouble sleeping, Rob. Do you think you could explain, one more thing how you picked our mutual funds?'

'Please excuse Josh's tardiness. The American academy of pediatrics has recommended a later start to the school day for teens.'

'I am not putting a foot in there until you do something about those bed bugs!'

'Am I getting up or going to bed?'

'It's nothing to lose any sleep over. You just have insomnia.

Vegan Insomnia

'Can you give me a non-drowsy medication for insomnia?'

'I have no idea how many I have in my flock. Every time I start counting them I fall asleep.'