Singles Life Gifts

"Dibs on the tall one!"

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

Life is for the birds.

The secret of living happily ever after....Do it alone.

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

"Yes, I'm alone."

Still searching for my Prince Charming.

"Alone bad. Boyfriend good!"

"Life is too short! Why should I waste my time frantically searching for a mate when I can create art instead..."

No boyfriend, can't be bothered t-shirt

"I had guys chase my tail, then one day I thought, hey, dummy, get rid of the middlemen and chase your own tail!"

"Honey who needs a man when you've got... Rhythm!"

Table for two. Whom does sir think he's kidding? You're right table for one. Menu.

When did this date go down the toilet? I assumed when you went to the men's room that you dropped it there.

"At this point, I think a rich lightweight would be fine."

'On the contrary, soap operas are a great time-saver -- you don't have to get married and have your OWN problems.'

"Do you know what girls want?"

'You only love me because you haven't got a boyfriend!'

'Are you seeing anybody?'

"Being a refrigerator magnet is fine, but I wish, for just one day, I could be a chick magnet."

'We fed your application in, and the computer started leaking slime.'

I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy. Which part do you miss most? Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what tv shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission? Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors.

Brenda second-guesses her decision to date a wi-fi hotspot.

"I'm a free woman. Edgar tried to cross the road."

'Complements of the big smelly gentleman.'

"The dinner date was a disaster! I realised he was still a "Mama's Boy" when I saw he was expecting me to regurgitate his food..."

She hated first dates. She always ended up sounding desperate.

"Finally - my dating app just launched a 'Why am I seeing this loser?' feature."

Augmented reality check

"hmm....I'd like to tick her box."

'Dear Dairy, Well... I met someone, and I think she could be Mrs. Alright.'

He's Tasty!

'Not only is your mojo not working, it apparently has been unemployed for years.'

"He's your type--gorgeous, successful, and totally unavailable."