Enjoying Single Life Gifts

The Bachelord

Life is for the birds.

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

Just married and Just Single and Happy.

"Alone bad. Boyfriend good!"

Still searching for my Prince Charming.

"Yes, I'm alone."

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

"Life is too short! Why should I waste my time frantically searching for a mate when I can create art instead..."

No boyfriend, can't be bothered t-shirt

"So you dreamed you were an adult?"

Last night of freedom.

"Do you know what girls want?"

'On the contrary, soap operas are a great time-saver -- you don't have to get married and have your OWN problems.'

"I had guys chase my tail, then one day I thought, hey, dummy, get rid of the middlemen and chase your own tail!"

"Honey who needs a man when you've got... Rhythm!"

Wedding - throw the bouquet and the little black book.

"At this point, I think a rich lightweight would be fine."

When did this date go down the toilet? I assumed when you went to the men's room that you dropped it there.

'Are you seeing anybody?'

"Being a refrigerator magnet is fine, but I wish, for just one day, I could be a chick magnet."

'Complements of the big smelly gentleman.'

"I'm a free woman. Edgar tried to cross the road."

I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy. Which part do you miss most? Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what tv shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission? Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors.

'We fed your application in, and the computer started leaking slime.'

"The dinner date was a disaster! I realised he was still a "Mama's Boy" when I saw he was expecting me to regurgitate his food..."

'Not only is your mojo not working, it apparently has been unemployed for years.'

Augmented reality check

She hated first dates. She always ended up sounding desperate.

Bachelor Cake

"I used to think maybe I was the problem but then I realized she was just a bitch."

"Finally - my dating app just launched a 'Why am I seeing this loser?' feature."

'Dear Dairy, Well... I met someone, and I think she could be Mrs. Alright.'

He's Tasty!