Embracing Singlehood Gifts

"Honey who needs a man when you've got... Rhythm!"

'I live with grand fantasies Harold.'

'No computer, no cellphone, no fax machine... no wonder I'm still single!'

No boyfriend, can't be bothered t-shirt

"Life is too short! Why should I waste my time frantically searching for a mate when I can create art instead..."

Life is for the birds.

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

Just married and Just Single and Happy.

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

Still searching for my Prince Charming.

"Yes, I'm alone."

"Alone bad. Boyfriend good!"

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

"I had half a date last weekend."

"I had guys chase my tail, then one day I thought, hey, dummy, get rid of the middlemen and chase your own tail!"

"Do you know what girls want?"

'On the contrary, soap operas are a great time-saver -- you don't have to get married and have your OWN problems.'

When did this date go down the toilet? I assumed when you went to the men's room that you dropped it there.

Wedding - throw the bouquet and the little black book.

"Alright! Fine! ONE man is an island!"

"At this point, I think a rich lightweight would be fine."

'Are you seeing anybody?'

"Being a refrigerator magnet is fine, but I wish, for just one day, I could be a chick magnet."

'Complements of the big smelly gentleman.'

"I'm a free woman. Edgar tried to cross the road."

"Rose wants to bring up the child on her own."

'We fed your application in, and the computer started leaking slime.'

I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy. Which part do you miss most? Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what tv shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission? Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors.

"The dinner date was a disaster! I realised he was still a "Mama's Boy" when I saw he was expecting me to regurgitate his food..."

'And then after we were married for a couple of years your father ran away to join the circus.'

He's Tasty!

She hated first dates. She always ended up sounding desperate.

'Not only is your mojo not working, it apparently has been unemployed for years.'

"Finally - my dating app just launched a 'Why am I seeing this loser?' feature."

'Dear Dairy, Well... I met someone, and I think she could be Mrs. Alright.'