Embracing Single Life Gifts

"Cute... But way too young."

"When you're single, you're neither loved nor hated."

"Yes, I'm alone."

"When I ask myself out, I always say yesh...."

Yes, it's a small nest. I've given up on relationships: I've built myself a bachelor pad...

"I had guys chase my tail, then one day I thought, hey, dummy, get rid of the middlemen and chase your own tail!"

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

Life is for the birds.

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

Still searching for my Prince Charming.

"Alone bad. Boyfriend good!"

"Life is too short! Why should I waste my time frantically searching for a mate when I can create art instead..."

No boyfriend, can't be bothered t-shirt

"Do you know what girls want?"

"Honey who needs a man when you've got... Rhythm!"

When did this date go down the toilet? I assumed when you went to the men's room that you dropped it there.

"Alright! Fine! ONE man is an island!"

'On the contrary, soap operas are a great time-saver -- you don't have to get married and have your OWN problems.'

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

"At this point, I think a rich lightweight would be fine."

Wedding - throw the bouquet and the little black book.

"Being a refrigerator magnet is fine, but I wish, for just one day, I could be a chick magnet."

'Are you seeing anybody?'

'Complements of the big smelly gentleman.'

'We fed your application in, and the computer started leaking slime.'

I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy. Which part do you miss most? Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what tv shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission? Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors.

"The dinner date was a disaster! I realised he was still a "Mama's Boy" when I saw he was expecting me to regurgitate his food..."

'Not only is your mojo not working, it apparently has been unemployed for years.'

She hated first dates. She always ended up sounding desperate.

"Finally - my dating app just launched a 'Why am I seeing this loser?' feature."

He's Tasty!

Augmented reality check

'Dear Dairy, Well... I met someone, and I think she could be Mrs. Alright.'

"I used to think maybe I was the problem but then I realized she was just a bitch."