Being Happily Single Gifts

"Will you love yourself, comfort yourself, honour yourself and protect yourself, and forsaking all others, be faithful to yourself for as long as you shall live?"

Life is for the birds.

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

Just married and Just Single and Happy.

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

"Yes, I'm alone."

"Alone bad. Boyfriend good!"

Still searching for my Prince Charming.

"Life is too short! Why should I waste my time frantically searching for a mate when I can create art instead..."

Auctioneer: 'Sold to the lady whose husband just walked out!'

No boyfriend, can't be bothered t-shirt

"The best things in life are free. The rest are married."

"Don't wait too long for Mr. Right or you'll end up with Mr. What's left!"

"Honey who needs a man when you've got... Rhythm!"

"Do you know what girls want?"

"At this point, I think a rich lightweight would be fine."

"I had guys chase my tail, then one day I thought, hey, dummy, get rid of the middlemen and chase your own tail!"

Wedding - throw the bouquet and the little black book.

'On the contrary, soap operas are a great time-saver -- you don't have to get married and have your OWN problems.'

When did this date go down the toilet? I assumed when you went to the men's room that you dropped it there.

'Are you seeing anybody?'

"Being a refrigerator magnet is fine, but I wish, for just one day, I could be a chick magnet."

"I'm a free woman. Edgar tried to cross the road."

Susie's single status had spread to her socks.

'I'm thinking the bee beard is the main reson that you're still single'

'Complements of the big smelly gentleman.'

I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy. Which part do you miss most? Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what tv shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission? Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors.

'We fed your application in, and the computer started leaking slime.'

"The dinner date was a disaster! I realised he was still a "Mama's Boy" when I saw he was expecting me to regurgitate his food..."

Boyfriend Shirt.

He's Tasty!

'Not only is your mojo not working, it apparently has been unemployed for years.'

Augmented reality check

"I used to think maybe I was the problem but then I realized she was just a bitch."

"Finally - my dating app just launched a 'Why am I seeing this loser?' feature."