Single Pillows

Male Order Catalogue.

Life is for the birds.

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

The secret of living happily ever after....Do it alone.

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

Just married and Just Single and Happy.

Still searching for my Prince Charming.

"Alone bad. Boyfriend good!"

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

"You lack spontaniety."

"I'm surprised I'm still single - I always thought I'd be divorced by now."

Biological Cuckoo clock

"Ok, I get it, you're happy and you know it. Now quit clapping."

'Don't look now - it's a ghost from our Christmas party past.'

'Hand me the 'desperates'.'

"At this point, I think a rich lightweight would be fine."

When did this date go down the toilet? I assumed when you went to the men's room that you dropped it there.

"Don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact. Don't...."

Wedding - throw the bouquet and the little black book.

'On the contrary, soap operas are a great time-saver -- you don't have to get married and have your OWN problems.'

"I had guys chase my tail, then one day I thought, hey, dummy, get rid of the middlemen and chase your own tail!"

"Do you know what girls want?"

'If cupid shot me with his arrow this week, it would bounce right off!'

Speed Dating Disasters

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"

People told me virtual dating was safe!

'You only love me because you haven't got a boyfriend!'

'Are you seeing anybody?'

"Being a refrigerator magnet is fine, but I wish, for just one day, I could be a chick magnet."

I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy. Which part do you miss most? Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what tv shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission? Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors.

"I'm not sure I'm ready to date again. I'm just coming off a bad mitosis."

"Ask me anything you want about Water Cress!"

Bachelor gettin giddy from dancing

"I want someone whose inner pain is totally hot."

'Complements of the big smelly gentleman.'