Single Pillows

Male Order Catalogue.

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

Life is for the birds.

The secret of living happily ever after....Do it alone.

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

Just married and Just Single and Happy.

"Alone bad. Boyfriend good!"

Still searching for my Prince Charming.

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

"You lack spontaniety."

Biological Cuckoo clock

"Ok, I get it, you're happy and you know it. Now quit clapping."

"I'm surprised I'm still single - I always thought I'd be divorced by now."

'Don't look now - it's a ghost from our Christmas party past.'

'On the contrary, soap operas are a great time-saver -- you don't have to get married and have your OWN problems.'

Wedding - throw the bouquet and the little black book.

'If cupid shot me with his arrow this week, it would bounce right off!'

"At this point, I think a rich lightweight would be fine."

"Don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact. Don't...."

"I had guys chase my tail, then one day I thought, hey, dummy, get rid of the middlemen and chase your own tail!"

"Do you know what girls want?"

'Hand me the 'desperates'.'

Speed Dating Disasters

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"

"Being a refrigerator magnet is fine, but I wish, for just one day, I could be a chick magnet."

'Are you seeing anybody?'

People told me virtual dating was safe!

"Ask me anything you want about Water Cress!"

"I want someone whose inner pain is totally hot."

Bachelor gettin giddy from dancing

'We fed your application in, and the computer started leaking slime.'

They all have one thing in common...they all have bad breath.

'Complements of the big smelly gentleman.'