Single Living Pillows

'The date didn't go too well. I should have taken her to a place that had more challenging placemats.'

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

Life is for the birds.

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

Dog Walking Services

"We're airship people, not mega-airship people."

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

Bill and Lester have a 'Hay Day'.

“Who’s a good boy that doesn’t feel obliged to prove it by holding too many interesting literary and social opinions?”

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

'Rabbits make great pets, but it's best to have them one at a time.'

''Food miles' is a big issue, so I'm reducing the distance my food travels by moving my fridge into the living room.'

Still searching for my Prince Charming.

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

"Yes, I'm alone."

Culinary Breakthroughs During Social Distancing

"Would you like to sleep through the film or the variety show?"

"Alone bad. Boyfriend good!"

'I love this supermarket; they have the easiest to understand wine department.'

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

"So that's where you were last night."

'Mr. Fitzburger, didn't we agree on a no-pets-in-the-apartment policy?!!'

'Don't look now - it's a ghost from our Christmas party past.'

"Sure, I'd get married again, but who wants a she-wolf with two adopted children?"

For the musician strapped for space...the Murphy piano.

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

"How do you know it's my leaves clogging the shower drain?"

Living together, couple in love.

"The sellers had a lot of kids, so they got tired of running out of hot water. So they upgraded."

Mom's Diner - Thanks for not talking about your father.

Thanksgiving 2020

'On the contrary, soap operas are a great time-saver -- you don't have to get married and have your OWN problems.'

"I need an apartment just big enough for a laptop, a coffee cup, and me."

'How animals mark their territory'