Singing Executives Gifts

'Our new director is also a choir director. He will lead us in singing our company fight song.'

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

"Remember, money is only a tool - to make more money."

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"Well, if you hadn't misfiled it in the first place it wouldn't have been lost."

And this is a little ditty I wrote called 'the third quarters profit and loss account' ...Colin often wished that he'd followed his first love and taken up a career as a musician

'Dow goes up, Dow goes 'round, but we'll keep rockin' 'til the Fed cracks down . . . '

'Hang on a minute...'

'Personally, I love your script, but Rex is pretty certain he smells a bomb!'

"This next song is about narrow-minded record executives and their reluctance to take a chance on anything a bit different."

Brian, I hope you're taking this seriously.

"The script is flimsy, the action scenes implausible and the plot would insult the intelligence of a three year old."

"We started losing money right around the time we decided to just lazily remake old movies with the race or gender of the main character switched from the original." "We're burning through cash and we urgently need to course correct and try something different." "So we're going to make fresh stories with new and interesting characters?" "What?" "No."

"I just sold my entire back catalogue of songs for $185 million."

Hollywood Think Tank

"You know that kid that submitted a screenplay to us on the back of a restaurant menu? I'm passing on it. I like the screenplay, but I hate that restaurant."

'A series based on made-up stories with actors following scripts? Preposterous.'

"California has always been too big for its britches."

'The music business.'

'This space could be working for you' - entrepreneurs concert.

"The role is subtly nuanced and the person we choose has to bring a sense of 'lots of money for the producers' to the part."

Rescuing the Music Industry.

Movie Franchise

Michael Grade is right...ITV needs more real writers which is why we want you to commission 'celebrity novelists get me out of here'.

'Your album is now the number one donation to charity shops.'

Note to viewers: We've cut back on sexual content by replacing it with violence.