Record Label Executive Gifts

'Guy here says his songs are on our albums but he hasn't received any royalties.'

'We're all having to work harder in the music business now.' (Dog listens to four gramophones at once)

Record Label Bird

"They've got no talent...he sings off key...they've got no rhythm...they look like slobs...I'd say you've got a huge hit on your hands!"

'Your album is now the number one donation to charity shops.'

His Master Voice Desert Island

Rescuing the Music Industry.

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

'If only every year was an election year.'

"Midtown Vinyl. Vintage albums + EPs. Midtown Ink. Vintage books + newspapers."

Groovy Baby

"This next song is about narrow-minded record executives and their reluctance to take a chance on anything a bit different."

"The script is flimsy, the action scenes implausible and the plot would insult the intelligence of a three year old."

Brian, I hope you're taking this seriously.

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

"You know that kid that submitted a screenplay to us on the back of a restaurant menu? I'm passing on it. I like the screenplay, but I hate that restaurant."

'It's 'big office' meets 'poorly-received flop'!'

'A series based on made-up stories with actors following scripts? Preposterous.'

"I just sold my entire back catalogue of songs for $185 million."

"I LOVE this business! Just when you think you've discovered our culture's lowest common denominator, along comes a crazy genius like you to show us how wrong our math was!"

"California has always been too big for its britches."

"Look, babe. At this point, you've reinvented yourself so many times you're back to who you were at the start."

'The music business.'

"Hey, this is brilliant! Where do you get my ideas?"

Godzilla vs. The Angry Movie Executives

Movie Franchise

Michael Grade is right...ITV needs more real writers which is why we want you to commission 'celebrity novelists get me out of here'.

Note to viewers: We've cut back on sexual content by replacing it with violence.

"The role is subtly nuanced and the person we choose has to bring a sense of 'lots of money for the producers' to the part."

'No, the nude scene isn't essential to the plot, but we need it for the posters.'

'It's a new reality show call 'Detoxing with the Stars'...'

'...and, this morning - you've got the blues.'

"This ought to bring in the young demographic!"

Hollywood on Strike