Record Company Executive Gifts

'The music business.'

"Hey - Fantastic News - thanks to the 'vinyl comeback' saddoes, we can now re-release AND charge up to £30 for an album....and start making obscene profits again!!!"

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"...But of course we'll still be friends on Facebook!"

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

'And we have an employee wellness program. By not offering health insurance or sick pay, we encourage wellness.'

'It says our line printer is obsolete our remote terminal is obsolete, and I'm afraid, we're obsolete.'

"Midtown Vinyl. Vintage albums + EPs. Midtown Ink. Vintage books + newspapers."

'The client has asked that you please stop referring to the product as, 'Crappy Crap Crap.'

Annual Stockholders' Meeting: Take some tissues.

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

'Our union contract keeps us from cutting salaries, but nothing prevents us from charging for parking.'

Oh no ... Outsourcing

Downsizing.

'Somebody should tell our office manager that a motorized filing cabinet does not qualify as an electronic health record system.'

Groovy Baby

"I have the profit sharing figures. You owe the company �2,367.25."

"Why does it always have to represent something?"

'And this is where we all suddenly started getting bad vibes.'

"Do you have anything by The Damned."

Brian, I hope you're taking this seriously.

"The script is flimsy, the action scenes implausible and the plot would insult the intelligence of a three year old."

"This next song is about narrow-minded record executives and their reluctance to take a chance on anything a bit different."

'After months of analysing, we found out how to stop your downgoing profits: just find more customers who want to buy your products.'

'No wonder we're losing money! --This organizational chart is upside down!'

Dive in Archive.

"I LOVE this business! Just when you think you've discovered our culture's lowest common denominator, along comes a crazy genius like you to show us how wrong our math was!"

"Hear me out. Batman - again."