Sincerity Skeptic Gifts

"A few of us are going out later to pretend like we're having a good time if you'd like to join."

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

The vice-president in charge of sincerity

"God works in mysterious ways."

Alternative Medicine

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

The suggestion box.

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

"Sure, it's Good News, but is it fake news?"

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

'Einstein's theory of negativity'

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

'I hope there's something better on the 'other side'!..'

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

"Anyway, it turned out that god was a ruddy algorithm after all!"

Two plus two equals five. I don't think so. The earth is flat, or maybe it's shaped like a fish. Huh? Many Republican candidates don't believe in evolution!!! Math, science -- who needs 'em really. That's what I said in high school.

Suggestions Box

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

"I totally meant to do that."

'It may look that way... But actually, I'm an atheist

"Nothing is as it seems, my son."

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

"and what are you giving up for lent, Reverend?" "Religion"

'Do I ever wonder about a higher power? No, I wonder what's on TV.'