Simplicity Skeptic Gifts

'I want to lose weight, Doctor.' - 'Eat less, then.' - 'I need it to be more complicated than that.' - 'Why?' - 'How can I justify failing if it's that simple, eh?!' - 'Gah. He's breaking me...' -

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"I throw this ball, you go get it and bring it back — everything else will fall into place."

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

The World's Easiest Airport

“Who’s a good boy that doesn’t feel obliged to prove it by holding too many interesting literary and social opinions?”

"We needn't have a fancy home, just a place to rest when we no longer roam."

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"It looks like a perfectly balanced system to me."

"God works in mysterious ways."

Not much money, glory, or praise

Alternative Medicine

'I enjoy the old-fashioned pleasures - a walk on the beach, plain food and piles of cash.'

"I need a simple fix. No one asked you to reinvent the wheel."

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

Finally there is the right product for real men!"

Can't you anarchists do anything within the system?

"I'm the bluebird of low expectations."

'Occam's famed tool of parsimony.'

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

'Does any of your bread just have bread in it?'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

"I'm basically a simple dog. Just give me a place to lay my head and lift my leg."

"After six weeks of camping out here to observe our operations, the design firm has created a new logo. It's our company's name in blue lower-case letters."

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

'So what if we don't have running water?!'

"I need an apartment just big enough for a laptop, a coffee cup, and me."

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

"We’re trying to inject a little pastoralism into our lives."

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

"The new system is 100% accurate as long as the client is called Colin and lives in Swindon."