Silly Gifts

Gag pitchforks.

Get crazy once in a while

Mother threatening to gag her baby.

Clown to clown on unicycle: 'How does it corner?'

COWMIKAZES

"And always remember...If you're going to be sick, always do it on the carpet. It's more absorbent."

'That one's going to be a klutz.'

Cheap amusement with... THE HAPPY COUPLE!

"Professor Zlata! You're just in time to be the planet Neptune!"

'There is a kid at school who can play 'Jingle Bells' with his farts. That is impressive because flatulence is a difficult medium.'

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

'Sure, I am usually old and wise, but with you my boy, I just love to be silly!'

'Polly wants a machine gun.'

How the Easter Bunny lets everyone know where the naughty kids live.

Hazardous substance - ignitable, corrosive, reactive, toxic, real smelly, yucchy.

"Coco, stop eating your food properly and play with it like your brothers!"

'Don't worry. We'll fit into these things by spring.'

STRIP Hambone: Wind up computer

"I don't want to look ridiculous at the clown convention!"

'And not only do we think you were lying when you told us Larry went on a winter vacation, we think you had something to do with it!'

'Could I have a look at your childrens menu? It's only my inner child that's hungry!'

"Well, you call it note-passing and whispering. We call it networking."

'Hold you horses! I'm just getting to the good part!'

'Whaddya mean, 'cat-sized'???'

Gilmore Slugs

"Constipated, what a *#*##**# joke!!"

"I'd say your mother was surprised."

University cone dispenser

"Wait a minute! I just robbed my own house!"

"Daddy always begged me not to marry a cactus farmer!"

'Warm a chair...swill coffee...thumb through catalogues and surf the Internet... By golly, Ted, he's RIGHT. They're all in his job description!'

Butchers run by cats - No Dogs Thank You

'Well we never did get a flu shot.'

"Typical mail - four bills, two catalogs, and a pre-approved credit card for the dog."

When's the last time you shaved, little buddy? Why do you ask? Because not all men can pull off the "rugged stubble" look. Stubble has to come in evenly, or you look like you've caught mange. I'd hate to be one of those guys. I'm about to hold you down and swipe at your with a straight razor, but it's as a friend.