Silly Humor Gifts

Gilmore Slugs

"Constipated, what a *#*##**# joke!!"

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"Look! No hands!"

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

Trump

"I'll have dessert first."

"Well, you can't say they didn't warn us."

Turkey survivability - 'It's all in being able to put the old fork down and say no.'

Kick me

"I see you like to let your actions do the talking."

'If we're to be able to afford a cutting edge IT system then we have to make sacrifices...and you're ours.'

"Lower and to the left...AHHHHH!"

"I hate it when the baby f**ks my face."

"Harumph. Some 'sailor man.'"

Atlas' Shoelace Dilemma

Ed's Pizza and the Cardiology Clinic.

Official in flooded office says: 'A decision on lifting the hosepipe ban will be made in due course.'

"Don't, son – once they cross over into meats, they're out of our jurisdiction."

Starbucks closing 600 stores with 12,000 job cuts.

'Get off and milk it!'

"Now I know why those cruise tickets were so cheap!"

'Let me swear on my grandchildren that our business is 100% legit. We outsourced extortion to the IRS, and assassination to the Pentagon!'

"Come on Ed! Cheer up! Look! Worm Attack! Arrahhh!"

'The mincer's busted!'

"I'm going to Princeton!"

Thirsty Fish.

Rise and shine

"Of course you can have some respect sir, but we don't treat wounded pride!"

'Have you been eating fermented birdseed again?'

"Well, it seems that St. Patrick didn't drive all the snakes out of Ireland."

Sp££d Camera

"I'm having trouble contacting your references. They're all in solitary confinement."

Gary Lineker Twitter Row with the BBC