Silent Diner Gifts

'Manners are the noises you don't make while you eat.'

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"I don't know where to begin, each dish has its own app."

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

"I know, boy—I miss the smoked salmon at Zabar's, too."

"The Bluetooth Special comes with a side order of Wi-Fi."

'Openly sobbing, or non-openly sobbing?'

'Our special of the day is spam sandwiches.'

Zagat Rated.

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

Gone out...here is a computer simulation of your dinner

"It's made with real angel hair."

Martin hated dining alone – but loved the savings.

"I am your bot server. Page me by phone and tip me in bitcoins."

"I'm not eating a TV dinner. Now it's called 'Computer Cuisine.'"

"I recommend the businessman's lunch, sir, mammon notwithstanding."

"It's an agreeable little wine."

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."

"I'm a vegan. I don't know what made me order a cheeseburger. Maybe I've got the flesh eating disease."

"I wonder how many Facebook likes I'll get."

'Make up your mind, M'sieur — a hundred years from now, what difference will it make what you had for lunch today?'

"I'm sorry it's not what you ordered, but the chef works in mysterious ways."

"His wife's still visiting her mother, so it looks like it's left over pizza for us...again!"

A single man can be seen through the front window of the "ME Only Restaurant".

'Will you be dining alone tonight, Sir?'

"Would you care to join me and my wife - we'd like to try the ten person banquet menu."

In a coal miner diner, customers have fainted from the fumes.

Waiter, there's a wireless earbud phone in my soup.

"You're not going to believe this -- they're making deep-fried manna."

'Come on, make it snappy I haven't got all day,'