Silent Diner T-Shirts

'Manners are the noises you don't make while you eat.'

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"I don't know where to begin, each dish has its own app."

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

"I know, boy—I miss the smoked salmon at Zabar's, too."

"The Bluetooth Special comes with a side order of Wi-Fi."

Zagat Rated.

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

'Our special of the day is spam sandwiches.'

'Openly sobbing, or non-openly sobbing?'

Gone out...here is a computer simulation of your dinner

Martin hated dining alone – but loved the savings.

All You Can Tweet Restaurant.

"I'm not eating a TV dinner. Now it's called 'Computer Cuisine.'"

"I am your bot server. Page me by phone and tip me in bitcoins."

"It's made with real angel hair."

"It's an agreeable little wine."

Have you heard of a celebrity roast, Lance? The closest I ever came to a celebrity roast was the time I had a roast beef in a deli and Henny Youngman walked in.

"I'm a vegan. I don't know what made me order a cheeseburger. Maybe I've got the flesh eating disease."

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."

"I recommend the businessman's lunch, sir, mammon notwithstanding."

"I wonder how many Facebook likes I'll get."

"His wife's still visiting her mother, so it looks like it's left over pizza for us...again!"

'I hope when we're older we'll be able to communicate without even speaking words.'

'Make up your mind, M'sieur — a hundred years from now, what difference will it make what you had for lunch today?'

"I'm sorry it's not what you ordered, but the chef works in mysterious ways."

A single man can be seen through the front window of the "ME Only Restaurant".

'Will you be dining alone tonight, Sir?'

"You're not going to believe this -- they're making deep-fried manna."

"Would you care to join me and my wife - we'd like to try the ten person banquet menu."

In a coal miner diner, customers have fainted from the fumes.

Waiter, there's a wireless earbud phone in my soup.

"It lights up and vibrates when your judgement's ready."