Signature Squiggler Gifts

"Would you like to squiggle here something that no-one in a MILLION years would be able to read!"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

The Main Types of Cheese

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'Eight wiener dogs, and six rolls. It's just not right.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

'This place is really classy. They bring the microwave right to your table!'

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

'You'll find it has a bouquet reminiscent of cherries and chocolate, a silky texture and best of all, for me, a 72% gross margin.'

'To be honest I'm sick of truffles.'

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

"The special is… pine nut encrusted… filet of salmon… in a balsamic wine reduction."

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

'If you don't learn how to sign your name, you'll have to pay cash!'

Children's Entertainer

"You never laugh at my jokes... "

Pizza with Extra Extra Cheese.

'House wine?'

"I think it's important to have a hobby outside of work...mine is eating chocolate."

Fat Kid 2- Plays with some Blue tac (colour)

"I see you've discovered the heirloom Twinkies."

Dave's Hamburger Shop

"Fresh ground anti-depressants?"

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

Chef's Specials - Hissy Fits, Shouting and Swearing, Pompus Indigestion.

'Hey, Frenchie - you call this paupiettes de beouf aux legumes?'

'This is not Hungarian stew.' 'We ran out of Hungarians.'