Signature Squiggler T-Shirts

"Would you like to squiggle here something that no-one in a MILLION years would be able to read!"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

The Main Types of Cheese

'Eight wiener dogs, and six rolls. It's just not right.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

'This place is really classy. They bring the microwave right to your table!'

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

'You'll find it has a bouquet reminiscent of cherries and chocolate, a silky texture and best of all, for me, a 72% gross margin.'

'To be honest I'm sick of truffles.'

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

'If you don't learn how to sign your name, you'll have to pay cash!'

"You never laugh at my jokes... "

"The special is… pine nut encrusted… filet of salmon… in a balsamic wine reduction."

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

Children's Entertainer

Pizza with Extra Extra Cheese.

'House wine?'

"Fresh ground anti-depressants?"

Fat Kid 2- Plays with some Blue tac (colour)

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

"I see you've discovered the heirloom Twinkies."

"I think it's important to have a hobby outside of work...mine is eating chocolate."

Dave's Hamburger Shop

Chef's Specials - Hissy Fits, Shouting and Swearing, Pompus Indigestion.

Today: Tomato Surprise. Of course the tomato surprise doesn't impress you, sir … You’re not a tomato.

'Hey, Frenchie - you call this paupiettes de beouf aux legumes?'