Side Effect Detective Gifts

'I hate it when they wince as I explain the side effects.'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"Our new automated workers need a little fine tuning, but they're coming along..."

"That new drug causes flatulence."

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

Rumors, lies and innuendo.

Man in office, desk covered in computer equipment, uses floor for photos, desk pads etc.

We have a problem with your research. We're Encyclopedia Britannica and you're Wikipedia.

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

Science and Coronavirus

"The camera is mounted on your desk for a reason. There's been some paperclips missing, and we think you're the culprit."

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

"Miss Jenkins, e-mail the housekeeper. Her telecommuting days are over"

Micro and Macro Department,

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

Don't forget to read the small print.

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

Jean, bring me everything we've got on gravity.

"I forget. If I have an adverse reaction, do I call my doctor or my lawyer?"

'We don't have anyone here by that name. Was he perhaps using one of his aliases?'

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

'Miscellaneous' and 'Non-Miscellaneous' trays

"Find out who put a 100 dollar bill in the suggestion box. This person has potential!"

'Harlow, do you wnat to be part of the problem or part of the coverup?'

"I just audited our books. Your register came up five cents short, Rudy."

Too bad Desmond had never learned to recognize the early warning signs of a heart attack.

Devil in the detail

'Well, Dear, the doctor did say there could be side effects to those pills!'

'You forgot you list of possible side-effects.'

"We need to talk about procrastination."

"I'm an atheist. I don't believe in programmers."

"Sorry for the delay in fulling your prescription. Since you brought it in there has been two new side effects we have to add to the label."

"Oh darn, there it is right there: side effects may include squid head."

When pedants take a break.