Morning After Detective Gifts

"He'd been drunk,he'd been walking past the zoo...there had been something else, but damn he couldn't remember."

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

Contemporary English Lesson: The Cat was Sat on the Mat.

"The emoji she used says she loves me..."

"We subscribe to five streaming services so why are we never able to see the hot new show everybody is raving about?"

'I'd like to report a peeping tom.'

"Another CSI spinoff? What's this one called?"

By the year 2500, 1 in 10 academics will devote their entire career to divining the meaning of the word 'sussudio'.

'So, what's it gonna be? Are we gonna watch a good cop show tonight, or a bad cop show?'

Weird – I think everything they watch is called, That actor looks so familiar what else have we seen him in.

Arnold's clone refuses to workout: 'You're a huge disappointment, dude.'

'So now you sniff out drugs. That's it, no more TV cop shows.'

Violence on TV.

Og falls asleep at the wheel for the final time.

'Fingerprints on your laptop screen?... wow, that's a real mystery.'

"Hey - didn't I see you on TV last night?"

"I wore a wire last night to prove you really snore!"

Worst part of diagnosis...'I have some very bad news for you.'

Closing Laugh Mystery Publications

Today, this humble feature attempts to answer one of the great quandaries of modern times. Is it Louie Louie, oh baby, my hair gotta grow? Wrong! What are the lyrics to the Kingsman's Louie Louie?* *Must be gleaned by listening. No peeking on the internet!

"I love my unreliable narrator. You?"

'Curious Man Discovers Magnifying Glass With His Magnifying Glass.

Yes, he looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and walks like a duck, but you still have to prove he's a duck beyond a reasonable doubt.

'I gather this is your first sting operation.'

'?'He was definitely here earlier. Looks like he gave us the slip.'

Dave could never work out how he lost his nose stud.

'The victim has defense wounds. When the art challenged her, she clearly put up a fight.'

Aflac Fan and Matlock Fan Argue

"I guess the term 'thin air' no longer applies."

"Admit it, we're lost."

"The problem is there's no engine. Just a mysterious plot device."

Spiro & Pusho on the minefield

Hunting the lion

"Remember, it could spoil the whole evening if you mention the smell of decomposing flesh coming from their basement."

"Listen ... can you hear that? That’s the sound of four months of winter depression."