Music Detective Gifts

"Nothing but Celine Dion CDs. There's your motive, but how do we even begin to narrow down the list of suspects?"

Today, this humble feature attempts to answer one of the great quandaries of modern times. Is it Louie Louie, oh baby, my hair gotta grow? Wrong! What are the lyrics to the Kingsman's Louie Louie?* *Must be gleaned by listening. No peeking on the internet!

By the year 2500, 1 in 10 academics will devote their entire career to divining the meaning of the word 'sussudio'.

STRIP Hambone: Fix it yourself

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

'I think I've found what's been causing my funny buzzing sounds.'

"Honey, check it out — giant porcupine tracks."

"...I have the oddest 'earliest memory' and I wanted to share it. It's just as wekkm I guess. Knowing some man secretly attended my first birthday party has caused me to question my parentage all these years....Especially since Mother Park made me promise not to tell Father that the potted plant was acually J. Edgar Hoover."

"I'd know my tinnitus anywhere and this isn't it."

Children playing percussion instruments.

I spy with my little eye in the sky …

"I keep hearing this annoying buzzing noise!"

"Greatest Band?"

'I can't do it anymore. 54 months of analysis and we're still no closer to explaining why Christian Bale's Batman talk in that awful voice.'

music store

'No, it's not the Rapture - The kids next door got a trampoline.'

"You fix it by buying a new one."

"We don't sell CDs anymore. We sell colorful jackets for the music you download illegally."

"How can we tell if this old movie poster is valuable?"

"It was just humming right along - then began whistling."

Spyware is easy to see, if you know where to look.

"Your wish has been granted – now there really is a nineties movie called Shazaam starring Sinbad as the genie."

'Really, Frank... The late news is so depressing - and it's the same thing every night... Why do you even turn it on?'

"Worst opening act ever. Did you know what a vuvuzela is?" "What?"

"Coming up on the news at ten: the new strange-but-true candy bar diet...names of the pets of your favorite YouTubers...plus some stuff about the world."

"And, as a child, …. Did you have a suspicious nature?"

Peeping Drone

Sir Paul McCartney warns UK Culture Secretary of live music s bleak future

'I don't know how Beyonce could do a secret album in this day and age.'

It began with a beep. BEEEP. What an annoying noise. Where did that come from? BEEEP. Where indeed? Join us the next few days to solve the mystery behind the *beep* as we journey into the soul of modern man. (Oh, the hyperbole!) BEEEP!

Violin Pipe

Insecurity guard: 'Are byou sure you didn't hear something- there it goes again!

'Is that true? - Did you tape over her soap opera?'

'You suck at identifying sounds!'

Computer screen registers alert for illegal entry as cops drag the computer operator to jail.