Desk Detective Gifts

"Don't let the organized desk fool you. I have no idea where my computer files are."

'I didn't take your stupid pen.' (Colleague has surveillance camera set up on desk.'

Jean, bring me everything we've got on gravity.

Rules - break in case of emergency.

Man in office, desk covered in computer equipment, uses floor for photos, desk pads etc.

"Doug here monitors any subtle changes in the ergonomics."

The Sleep of Reason Produces Bureaucracy

'Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere.'

"Miss Jenkins, e-mail the housekeeper. Her telecommuting days are over"

'Someone must have done it after hours.'

'Miscellaneous' and 'Non-Miscellaneous' trays

"Students...we had some changes over summer. The good news is our classroom size has been cut by 15 percent! The bad news...our desk budget has been cut by 40 percent!"

"You can use Dave's cubicle. He has Seasonal Affective Disorder and won't be using it this winter. Whoa! I guess I'm wrong. There he is, hibernating under the desk!"

"I noticed he had punched air holes in his desk. Now I'm afraid to open it."

"We need to talk about procrastination."

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

We have a problem with your research. We're Encyclopedia Britannica and you're Wikipedia.

"I'm surprised, Caswell. I thought you were a happy camper."

'What do I do around here? Sir, I really think I deserve some time for research and preparation before answering that.'

"The camera is mounted on your desk for a reason. There's been some paperclips missing, and we think you're the culprit."

Micro and Macro Department,

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

Don't forget to read the small print.

'We don't have anyone here by that name. Was he perhaps using one of his aliases?'

"Find out who put a 100 dollar bill in the suggestion box. This person has potential!"

'Harlow, do you wnat to be part of the problem or part of the coverup?'

Outbox.

'As all coherent strategy has failed, we turn to you.'

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

"I just audited our books. Your register came up five cents short, Rudy."

Devil in the detail

'I can't remember the title,but it was on a little white piece of paper.'

"Where would we BE without the right DOCUMENTATION...?"