Desk Job Detective Gifts

'As all coherent strategy has failed, we turn to you.'

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

Out and In.

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

"Yes, also it keeps you fit."

'On your marks. Get set. Go!' - 'Come on! Keep going! You can do it!' - 'Yay! You're 8 hours closer to the grave!' - 'Oh, God.'

"Of course I have a life. Not one worth living, mind you."

"Does it count it after an 80 hour week he's here in body but his mind is off in La La land?"

Scapegoat of the Year

'My multi-tasking turned into faulty-tasking.'

Man in office, desk covered in computer equipment, uses floor for photos, desk pads etc.

"Sorry for the wait, our computers are down. We have to do everything manually."

"He said his screen is frozen again."

That endless instant between initial eye contact and conscious recognition.

Inkwell Genie.

'Hard day at work, dear?'

'Remember when we used desktop computers? When everyone at least 'looked' busy?'

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

"The camera is mounted on your desk for a reason. There's been some paperclips missing, and we think you're the culprit."

"Welcome aboard - That'll be your work station over there."

'Be a sweetie and get me a cup of coffee!'

"Miss Jenkins, e-mail the housekeeper. Her telecommuting days are over"

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

'Too long at his desk...we're going need surgery to cut him free.'

Boxes marked 'In', 'Out' and 'How did this end up on my desk?'

"Robots can't take away your job, Khanna. No one knows what you do."

'Remember, Preston, all work and no play make you employed.'

"The first of many cubicles..."

'While you were out I replaced you.'

"Now that you mention it, I have to admit, the daily grind IS starting to get to me!"

'Where should I leave this?'

'Nothing serious. I just hate my job.'

'Why is it when you hit two keys by mistake, the one you don't want appears on the screen?'