Sib Of Jests Pillows

One day son.All of this will be yours.

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

"Yeah, I'm still scared of it too, but the worst part is that it seems to be GROWING...."

"You might need to remind Mrs. Sanders it's 'bring your DAUGHTER to work' day."

'People have been known to lose an eye when a wink goes seriously wrong.'

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

'She just came down the stairs without walking.'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

Jesus plays peek-a-boo with doubting Thomas.

"I must come to the supermarket with you sometime dear, they seem to sell everything!"

"My family argues so much over living in the city or country that it makes me feel like pulled pork."

"My entire family's coming for the holidays."

"All rise."

"OK, you're going to feel a little prick, followed by a burning desire to sue me."

'I'm sorry, Ralph, but you're going to have to move out - Prissy's allergy to your dandruff is getting worse.'

Pie chart of pub conversations

'...Love, honor, and obey, no strings attached?'

"And here's one I made up called 'Mama's Last Nerve.'"

"You've got to understand, in my family Dad was the poodle and Mom was the pit bull."

"You're making a complete ass of yourself, Rodney!"

'Look, Your Honor -- We're both over-fifty white males, right?'

"When you take the oath don't worry. There's a lightning rod on the roof."

"Sure, I'll give you a second opinion. I don't think you should stay home from school either."

'He's determined not to enjoy himself this Christmas.'

'We're ready to order... ORDER!'

Pumping up wig in blender.

"Med Brittle"

"We're a big, happy family here, so think of your firing as tough love."

"For the last time, young man, I said 'NO'! You may NOT feed bubble gum to the dog!"

A Mom and Pop Operation

'Baby sand shark eat their siblings.'

"Psst! If you have any stock tips to pass on, I can probably lighten your sentence for insider trading."