Jazz Jesters Pillows

Looking for a cool cat.

Kid uses his violin as a golf club.

"I hate performance review season."

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

"Now that we're into spring, we want to warn you that spring fever can be contagious..."

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

Richard the Turd

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

"And that, gentlemen, is the Friday 4.55 pm Bad News Email Dump."

'I thought your new year's resolution was to get the monkey off your back!'

Pie chart of pub conversations

Rodins rotten juggler

"Any other skills?"

"You're making a complete ass of yourself, Rodney!"

"Intern? Oh, no. He wandered in from our day care center."

"When you take the oath don't worry. There's a lightning rod on the roof."

'We, the jury, find the defendant guilty... and his attorney obnoxious.'

'Look, Your Honor -- We're both over-fifty white males, right?'

Musical Accidents

Pumping up wig in blender.

Jeff hated performance reviews.

'We're ready to order... ORDER!'

"Psst! If you have any stock tips to pass on, I can probably lighten your sentence for insider trading."

"Your honor, I'd like to request a new defense attorney!"

"The jury will disregard the defendant's statement that he will donate 100% of his criminal earnings to the Concerned Mobsters for Eritrea Fund!"

Conflicted Chief

'The prisons are overcrowded, so why don't you just drop and give me fifty push-ups?'

"Sir, Sparky is here for his 3:00 pm throw."

'It certainly is a big one!'

'The justice will be swift - the attorney fees, swifter.'

'Our plea will be innocent by reason of insanity.'

'How do you like this one?...Inflatable dart board.'

"The business of crime DOES pay. It pays our salaries!"

"He damaged a nerve when he pulled the thorn out. I'd have had a surefire malpractice suit if I hadn't eaten him."

"I'll have my people call your people."