Jazz Jesters Gifts

Looking for a cool cat.

Kid uses his violin as a golf club.

"I hate performance review season."

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

"Now that we're into spring, we want to warn you that spring fever can be contagious..."

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

Richard the Turd

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

"And that, gentlemen, is the Friday 4.55 pm Bad News Email Dump."

'I thought your new year's resolution was to get the monkey off your back!'

Pie chart of pub conversations

"You're making a complete ass of yourself, Rodney!"

"Any other skills?"

Rodins rotten juggler

"Intern? Oh, no. He wandered in from our day care center."

'Look, Your Honor -- We're both over-fifty white males, right?'

'We, the jury, find the defendant guilty... and his attorney obnoxious.'

"When you take the oath don't worry. There's a lightning rod on the roof."

Jeff hated performance reviews.

Pumping up wig in blender.

'We're ready to order... ORDER!'

Musical Accidents

"Psst! If you have any stock tips to pass on, I can probably lighten your sentence for insider trading."

"Sir, Sparky is here for his 3:00 pm throw."

'The prisons are overcrowded, so why don't you just drop and give me fifty push-ups?'

"The jury will disregard the defendant's statement that he will donate 100% of his criminal earnings to the Concerned Mobsters for Eritrea Fund!"

"Your honor, I'd like to request a new defense attorney!"

'It certainly is a big one!'

'The justice will be swift - the attorney fees, swifter.'

'Our plea will be innocent by reason of insanity.'

'I ran with them once.'

'Your honor, we find the defendant not guilty, but we sure wouldn't let our daughters go out with him!'

Where legal teams but their outfits.

'He must be the real Santa... He was the only sober guy at the Xmas party!'

"I'll have my people call your people."