Jolly Jesters Gifts

Reindeer Cage

What do you want for Christmas?

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

Dog fetching clown shoes.

"It's great to see Biff; Socksie the cat is out of the bag..."

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

"Merry Christmas"

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'That'll be all the mince pies and sherry!'

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

"At this rate I'll be delivering all gift certificates, gift cards and I.O.U.s!"

Pie chart of pub conversations

'I thought your new year's resolution was to get the monkey off your back!'

'Crabs, sharks, octopi...'

Elf of the Month

"Maybe this year..."

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.

"When you take the oath don't worry. There's a lightning rod on the roof."

'We, the jury, find the defendant guilty... and his attorney obnoxious.'

'Look, Your Honor -- We're both over-fifty white males, right?'

C is for Cracker

Santa School.

During a respite in union negotiations, simmering tensions boil over as some disgruntled members of the toymakers elf union take matters in their own hands.

'We're ready to order... ORDER!'

Pumping up wig in blender.

Santa entering a pool for a swim

"No, it's not a to-do lost."

'Your dad only works one day a week but mine only works ONE day a year!'

"But he's way more fun than the rubber ducky."

'On the outside I'm all ho-ho-ho. But inside I feel weak and shaky, like a bowl full of jelly.'