Relationship Jests Pillows

Husband electronic tagging control centre - Screen reads 'Pub'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

Einstein's T-Shirt reads: My Wife Doesn't Understand Me.

That may well be how the catalk models do it, but I still think you look like a three legged horse in a field of cowpats!

The prying mantis,

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"This will be hilarious!"

"Dave, could you hold on a sec while I take care of some personal business?"

You were warned about mixed marriages.

Two people in hazmat suits lie in bed

"Harold insists on doing all his own stunts."

"You look so beautiful, glistening in the moonlight."

'When I'm not thinking about me, the Giants, the Knicks or the Yankees, I'm thinking about us.'

'You think it's easy, being married to a man who thinks of nothing but his work?'

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

'Since I met you I can't eat...I can't drink...I'm broke.'

I'd invite you in, but my husband, my boyfriend and my python are all very jealous.

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"While you're at it Houdini, try and find the last ten years of my life in there."

"Are you going to ask for feedback every time you cook a meal?"

"Am I through to the next round?"

'Dear, couldn't you spend part of your time actually hunting something?'

'No, there's nothing on my mind, but if there was I don't want to talk about it.'

'They were all out of roses.'

'I love it when you say - 'I'm going to print money'.'

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

'It's not that I don't appreciate your efforts to put magic into our marriage...'